Experiment 2.

INTERVIEW

        Amidst the rise of racism directed at the APIA community, this interview aims to highlight the different experiences between two Asian Americans in order to break away the misunderstandings of Asians that exist in America. Today, I sit down with my friend Natalie Wu (real name concealed for privacy).

        Natalie, a Chinese American, born and raised in Brooklyn, NY, attends the University of Michigan as a first-generation college student. She is a sophomore majoring in business and minoring in art & design. Though I only met Natalie in college, it’s been long enough to know that she is a hustler. On top of working several on-campus jobs, he has joined a multitude of high-performing clubs here on campus; AKPsi Business Fraternity, Michigan Advertising and Marketing, and Victors Value Investment to name a few. She plans to use her business and creative skills to work in marketing or strategy.

        In an hour and a half, Natalie tells me about her background, the struggles grew up with as an Asian American woman in NYC, and various other experiences that have shaped who she is today.

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This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

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Jarryn Shin (JS): So...

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Natalie: Don’t ask me “Tell me about yourself.” [laughing]

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JS: Hm... Okay... [nervous laughing] I was going to... [both laugh] So I know who you are, I know where you’re from, but ultimately, I don’t know much about your background. Fill me in.

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Natalie: So, my parents are technically from Guangzhou, which is the capital of Guangdong Province in Southern China, but they lived just outside the city. I actually visited a few summers ago, and it was my parents' first time going back to their hometown since moving to America, so that was a humbling experience.

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Anyhow, my dad came over [to America] first, then my mom came later with my brother and I in 2000, and she was actually pregnant with me at the time. When my parents came, I don’t think they had a lot to start off with. When I was younger and asked my mom about how she started in America, she used to tell me that she knocked on businesses doors and asked for jobs.

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JS: What was the setting you grew up in? What kind of schools did you attend, who were your friends, what was your family like, etc.?

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Natalie: [softly chuckling] You sound so formal. Okay... Until 3rd grade, we lived on the first floor of a townhome that my aunt owned in Brooklyn. It was pretty small, like 1 bedroom, so I used to sleep with my parents until my brother – who is 4 years older than me – and I got a bunk bed in the living room. [laughs] In 3rd grade, I took the state exam and did really bad, so my parents began putting me in prep schools after normal school and during the weekends. At the time, we lived in a Brooklyn neighborhood that was predominantly Latino and Hispanic, so after going to school with a majority of Latinos, all of sudden I spent my afternoons and weekends holed up in this windowless room with a bunch of Asian kids learning math and English. [laughing]

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Around 3rd grade, my parents bought a house, but split the mortgage with my mom’s brother, and began renting out the second and third floor to other families. When I think back, it’s amazing that my parents were willing to pay about $1000 per class for prep schools when they weren’t making a ton [of money]. Throughout middle school and high school, I was surrounded by a lot of Asian kids, who also went to prep schools, [laughs] but probably cause I was in New York’s specialized schools. Since I went to a specialized middle school and a specialized high school, I always went in not knowing anyone, and I’ve never really had someone I would call my best friend or my closest friends. I think that’s why I kind of drift between friend groups. In middle school, I had a lot of Asian friends but then I also had friend groups that had white kids in it. Contrary to my elementary school, there weren’t really black people or brown people in my middle school. Sty (Stuyvesant High School) was kind of the same, especially since the school is 70% Asian. Even in college, I’d say most of my friends are Asian, but I’ve been trying to branch out!

 

JS: How would you say you fit in within your social circles? More specifically, since you said you grew up around a lot of Asian kids, do you think about how you being Asian fits into the people you are surrounded with?
For example, I used to be pretty self-conscious of being Asian and the thought still lingers in the back of my mind from time to time, especially in new settings, and I think that’s partly because I never grew up around other Asian kids.

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Natalie: Hmm... So personally, I definitely think I categorize ‘feeling Asian around people’ by how assimilated to American culture someone’s parents are. Though both of our parents could be

immigrants, I would feel more Asian around you if you spoke English with your parents since I speak Chinese with mine. But I wouldn’t say I’m really bothered by it. I also think it’s similar when I’m with a group of non-Asian people. I don’t feel different solely because I’m Asian and they’re not.

 

For me, because I was surrounded by so many Asians that were like your stereotypical nerds who studied a lot, I didn’t really feel insecure about being Asian American. Part of it is because I really value the work ethic of Asian Americans. It was very apparent that the kids I went to school with, especially the Asian ones, came from immigrant families that pushed them really hard to do prep and placed a huge importance on academics, and I came from that kind of background too. It always made me feel like I should value being Asian American, especially since so many of us were in specialized high schools in the heart of NYC that were also really difficult to get into. I’m grateful that my education was so important to my parents because the academic pressure that they put on me engrained a really tough work ethic in me, a work ethic that didn’t want to see myself doing poorly. It feels really great to succeed after putting in so much work and effort into something, which in turn makes me prouder of my Asian heritage and background.

 

JS: Then going off of that, are there other factors that come to the forefront of your attention before your race?

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Natalie: Yeah. Although I don’t really feel insecure about my race, I think there are other things that make me feel that difference, such as having immigrant parents or being a first-generation college student. I know people won’t view me differently or anything, but it’s always been tough for me to open up about my family to my friends, especially friends without immigrant parents or people who grew up with a lot [of money]. Something I didn’t realize until I was older was that my parents aren’t super well off and still working class. And though I’m really thankful that my parents were able to provide for us and never make us think about financial struggles, it’s hard for me to bring up my childhood and family, especially here at Michigan where the average income is so high. Sometimes I feel almost ashamed to bring up what my family does or parts of my background because I don’t want people to think of me as lesser. More than race, I definitely

think having immigrant parents, being first-gen, or body image issues are things that I constantly have an internal battle with.

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JS: So aside from the stuff you’ve already mentioned, what are some of the challenges you faced as a Chinese American woman, whether that be personal or societal, that you think have shaped you?

 

Natalie: I noticed I changed the most in high school. Going into high school not knowing anyone, I felt really lonely freshman year. During lunch, I would eat alone and just walk around in the hallways trying to pass time. That made me pretty introverted and really shy, which is sort of the way I am now before I get to know someone, and I think that’s shaped me and my college experience a lot. I feel like I’m known as a stereotypical “Asian female”; not very assertive, just kind of doing what is asked of them, and stuff like that. That’s probably why I overthink a lot of the things I say and do, or don’t say and don’t do. I wouldn’t ever say that I intentionally tried to fit the stereotype, but I’ve been finding that it’s not a bad thing [to fit the stereotype], especially since I know there’s more to me than just what people first perceive. I think in that aspect, it’s allowed me to become more mature, but yeah... I definitely still overthink about social situations a lot which prevents me a little from getting closer to people, even if I want to. Though I might a stereotypical Asian, I wish more people were accepting of the fact that not everyone is under that umbrella, and even if they are, there is way more to a person than just what’s classified in their stereotype.

 

Another thing that I had a hard time with was academic pressure. I know that I said it helped me build a really strong work ethic, but sometimes, even now, I’m not sure if I work really hard for myself or to impress my parents and make them proud. I noticed that most Asian parents like to brag about their children to their friends and other people in their communities, but behind closed doors, they will scold you for not working hard enough. One thing I noticed in high school was that my parents weren’t super knowledgeable about how school in America worked and the logistics behind grading and stuff. They’d ask like, “Are you getting good grades? Is it above a 90 or near 100?” and if I said I did bad on a test, they’d just tell me to do better or ask why I didn’t study harder. I don’t think they understood how hard I really worked because they always just kind of expected you to do well but didn’t understand the process of it.

 

On the other hand, when I was graduating high school, there was a lot of criticism from society because people wanted to abolish the test that students take to get in [to New York’s specialized schools] in order to improve the lack of diversity in the schools. Consequently, there was a lot of outlash from the Asian American community since they had children attending these schools. As someone who went to these schools, I understood there’s a lack of diversity, and that it really does need a lot of help, but at the same time, Asian Americans are still a minority. Since we’re viewed as the ‘model minority,’ we don’t get viewed the same way in those aspects and it frequently feels like our hard work is just invisible. I just think there are a lot of societal problems that stem from Asian Americans being viewed as the ‘model minority'.

 

JS: Yeah, as an Asian American myself, even though we’ve had totally different lives, the ‘model minority’ mold is definitely something I’ve faced as a challenge growing up and continue to see as a problem in American society.
As we wrap this up, is there anything else you want to say that we didn’t touch upon or maybe you want to expand on?

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Natalie: Totally agree. Going back to the invisible thing, I feel like not a lot of things are publicized about Asian Americans compared to other races. You don’t see a lot of news articles talking about the discrimination against Asian Americans or many success stories of Asian Americans. Like we know that there are successful Asian Americans in America but it’s almost like we can never be as successful as white individuals or have our names as well-known as them. But our struggles aren’t shared as much as others since we may not have as many racial struggles as other people. However, [smiling] I think these things make me prouder of being a Chinese American woman because I can look back at the successes I’ve had, but I also know that this isn’t the end and that I can do more.

 

JS: I’m really glad what Natalie wrapped up our interview with because it’s a message that can be relayed on to anyone’s life and the message my experiments have been aiming to make clear. Like Natalie, although your community’s stories may not feel like they’re being heard, don’t be afraid to be yourself and be proud of who you are. Whether it be experiences related to your race, culture, heritage, or experiences related to your body image, stereotypes, or mental health, encourage yourself to share the stories of your experiences with others. If you continue to do so and help others to do the same, society will notice and begin to change; let’s just make those changes happen sooner!